Objay Dart

by The Young Offenders

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The recording of this album was completed in October 2015 but due to the band's increasingly busy personal lives, we never got around to properly mixing the damn thing until a year later. During this time, the band broke up. So this is it, the last Young Offenders album ever, released post-break-up. It's pay-what-you-can so you can give us money for it if you want, but this time we've decided that any money we receive this way will be donated to the Ottawa Rape Crisis Centre.


released December 23, 2016

Simon Coll - Bass
Josh Duffenais - Drums
Kurt Grunsky - Guitar, vocals, trumpet
Jacob Neufeld - Guitar

Recorded August-October 2015 at the K-home.




The Young Offenders Ottawa, Ontario

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Track Name: Age With Grace
All your speakers, blown and hissing,
Ducking, dodging, fucking, kissing,
Dog star falling, new day rising,
Turn back time, infantilizing,
Tell me that you're burnin' for me,
Life continues after 40,
Pledge your time to empty space,
Love in fear, age with grace,

History so unforgiving,
Knowledge-seekers, ego-tripping,
Unfamiliar childhood setting,
All your life is worth forgetting,
Junkie glamour, submission thrills,
Sickle, hammer, ambition kills,
Pledge your time to a pretty face,
Love in fear, age with grace,

All my life is written for me,
Call the doctor, tell the story,
Magazines and concert tickets,
Sonic Youth, Wilson Pickett,
Dead man's blues, unclaimed crown,
Nail that coffin, lower it down,
He's moved on to a better place,
Love in fear, age with grace
Track Name: Sister/Brother
She was a pretty boy, he was a working girl, strangled by the streets,
Ears to the radio, lips to the pleasure zone, tangled by the sheets,

He was an astronaut, she was an alien, interstellar lust,
Code like binary, document forgery, counterfeiter's trust,

Take it easy, sister/brother,
Sparks recurring, hidden lover,
Hurts just like a motherfucker,
In translation, undercover
Track Name: I Wanna Be Yr Corin Tucker
Baby, I'm a proper mess,
Dress me up in your fancy dress,
Caffeine and melatonin,
In the moonlight, hear me moanin',

Baby, I'm a nervous wreck,
Snap my spine and break my neck,
Leave me limp and let me lie,
Don't you know all cynics die?

I just want to see you smile,
Put your death off for a while,
There's beauty in what's yet to come,
Self-destruction ain't that fun,

But baby, I'm a fool for you,
Hear me sing these moody blues,
You're my drug like Hunter Thompson,
Sell my soul like Robert Johnson
Track Name: Intoxication
Down for deep-sea diving,
Mr. Mojo Rising,
"She's a gypsy woman!"
Mr. Mayfield's crying,

On the champagne shoreline,
All the shell-shocked have-nots,
Screaming "Christ Almighty!"
Singing sunburned sambas,

What a full-scale failure,
We're a flushed-out pipe dream,
You're so trance-inducing,
I'm so anti-social,

Oh, it makes me feel like
(It feels just like)
Track Name: Campus Life
You've got a guy on the side, I've got a daily routine,
We're eatin' spicy poutine, I owe you 25 bucks,
This function's not enough, I need my uselessness,
Hell, this is so half-assed, just turn the other cheek,

I stare for hours at a screen, I hit the town in a dress,
My brain's a fucking mess, I'm not a psychopath,
Just reading Sylvia Plath, and waiting for my man,
Fighting the sexual urge, I've got an addict's eyes,

This is the campus life, don't trust that Honest Ed,
I've got this 2-for-1 bread, let's all go TO THE LIGHTHOUSE,
Jeffrey with more than one "F", you're no philosopher
And when things fall apart, your logic will be first,

City's so alive that I think it's gonna kill me
Track Name: Napoleon
Bossa nova, so inviting,
Kiss me here beneath the lighting,
Picture-perfect, crystal-clear,
It's music to the common ear,

But you don't get it, nothing's ever free,

I want to dance with you all night,
Instead we argue who is right
Over words that were never worth a damn,
The connotation's such a sham,

There's fungus growing on my family tree,

Knobs and levers, twist and turn,
The tessellations watch and learn,
If my voice doesn't cut right through,
I'm scared I'll never talk to you,

But I'll always disagree to disagree,
So Napoleon, set your secret police on me
Track Name: Art Kids
Art kids,
Hold me, love me,
Push me, shove me,
High above me,
Paint me ugly,

You paint your masterpiece,
I'll play the great spectator,
Cosmic accident,
You are a space invader,

A crime of passion,
We'll apprehend the culprit,
There is no meaning
For you to interpret
Track Name: Inner City Gentrification
Inner city gentrification, it just follows me around like the blues,
Cleaning up the trash on the sidewalk, you know homelessness is no excuse,
Painting all the roses a nice blood-red and painting all the faces white,
Inner city gentrification, it can happen to you overnight,

Artisan bakers and coffee shops with all of their exotic tea,
Call it postmodern paradise, we're living in luxury,
Stretching out to fit those yoga pants, you've got to get yourself in shape,
Inner city gentrification, you can bend the rules until they break,

So tell me that you're local, tell me you're organic,
Tell me that the price is right,
Say you're into fitness and taking care of business,
You'll go down without a fight
Track Name: Object
Please be empty, please be cruel,
You're too good to be true,
Please forgive me, please forget that
I'm too straight for you,
I never thought about it that way,
And he's not interesting anymore,
'Cause she's not interested anymore,

Dominate, please take control,
I give it up to you,
Punching in and punching out
And I'm just passing through,
I never thought about it that way,
And we're not interesting anymore,
'Cause they're not interested anymore,

I need you now 'cause you're my object
Track Name: Witch Hunt
Everybody's looking for the last gang in town,
Those cannibals will eat you inside-out,
Pagan pigments, you are born with sin,
The market is the law, nobody wins,

Can't we just agree to disagree?
Don't you owe me 'cause I set you free?
Speaking for the group is such a chore,
All these waves get washed up on the shore,

Witch hunt,
On trial,
She said
He said.
"One strike,
You're dead"
Track Name: Poisoned By The Silver Screen
I grew up with Jesus Christ in Picasso's cartoon dream, but I was...
Once I sailed an endless sea, searching for a long-lost queen, but I was...
Once I was the King of Spain, now we act out every scene...
I shook hands with Edvard Munch, Ghostface Killah and The Scream...
I've seen Lucy in her sky of blue and sea of green, but I was...
I've seen incandescent landscapes, but now my brain's so fresh, so clean...
I had ants inside my pants, now I sing the blues in faded jeans...
They told me to trim the fat, now I'm chewing lean, 'cause I was

Poisoned by the silver screen
Track Name: No Reason
Sometimes I feel like I'm a waste of space,
Get a gold medal for attending the race,
Honey loses taste on an ageing tongue,
Hangin' on a limb, uncomfortably young,

Some people say they've got all the answers,
Some people say they've got a cure for cancer,
Some people tell me there's a meaning of life,
But those black and white mice keep me up all night,

They say,
Everything happens for no reason

Who's high, who's most aware,
Try to find a pattern and they're everywhere,
Try to find God and you'll never come close,
Science is a drug and I'm an overdose,

Some people tell me to embrace the change,
Some people tell me that we're all the same,
Some people tell me I should meditate,
Looking for Nirvana, I found Kurt Cobain,

He said,
Everything happens for no reason